Massachusetts Driving Rules
For those of you who live out of state, or out of country for that matter, and
plan on visiting our beautiful state, here are the current traffic rules in
Masachusetts. For those of you who already live here, 'nuff said, stop
blocking traffic and get your sorry butts in gear!! All right, already, Geez.
- A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people
can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting
for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange
- Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Massachusetts driver
never uses them. Use of them in Boston may be illegal.
- Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the
car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you
in an even more dangerous situation.
- Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going
with the flow."
- The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have
of getting hit.
- Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.
Massachusetts is a no-fault insurance states and the other driver has nothing to
- Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS
kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For
those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
- Construction signs warn you about road closures immediately after you pass
the last exit before the backup.
- The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide
useful information. They are only there to make Massachusetts look high-tech and
to distract you from seeing the State Police Radar car parked on the median.
- Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
- Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are
apparently not enforceable during rush hour.
- Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move
over doesn't mean that a Mass driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't
think he can go faster in your spot.
- Please remember that Massachusetts is the Bay State, named so for a reason.
Try to stay on the road.
- Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even if someone
is just changing a tire.
- Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape and gives
Adopt-a-Highway Crews something to clean up.
- It is assumed that State Police cars passing at high speed may be followed
in the event you need make up a few minutes in your travel.
- Learn to swerve abruptly. Massachusetts is the home of high-speed slalom
driving thanks to DOT, which places potholes in various locations to test
- It is traditional in Massachusetts to honk your horn at cars that don't
move the instant the light changes.
- Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way, except
in Boston where it acts as an invitation to duel or play chicken.
- Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before
proceeding. In Maine it is allowed to stop and then decide which direction to
- Remember that the goal of every Massachusetts driver is to get there first,
by whatever means necessary.
- Real Massachusetts female drivers can put on pantyhose, apply eye makeup
and balance the checkbook at seventy-five miles per hour during a snowstorm in
- Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the
previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of
ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle