Tips for Visitors to Boston
Not sure where this originated, it's pretty old. It's useful for those of
who don't visit Boston too often, which I must say applies to me as well.
- Boston is a mishmosh of 17th-century cow paths and 19th-century landfill penned in by water.
- You know, "One if by land, two if by sea."
- Which Warren Street do you want? We have three Warren Avenues, three Warren Squares, a Warren Park, and a Warren Place.
- Pay no attention to the street names. There's no school on School Street,no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, no water on Water Street.
- Back Bay streets are in alphabetical odda. Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon,Dartmouth.
- So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D.
- If the streets are named after trees (Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you're on Beacon Hill. If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley.
- All avenues are properly referenced by their nicknames: Comm Ave, Mass Ave, Dot Ave.
- Dot is Dorchester, Rozzie is Roslindale, JP is Jamaica Plain.
Things Not To Do:
- Don't call it Beantown.
- Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They'll tow it to Meffa (Medford) or Slumaville (Sommerville).
- Don't swim in the Charles, no matter what Bill Weld tells you.
- Don't sleep in the Common.
- Don't wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day (you may be killed).
- Don't call the mayah "Mumbles." He hates that, and will tell you not to be an 'alcatraz around his neck'.
Things You Should Know:
- There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two Hancock buildings (one old, one new).
- There's also a Boston Latin School and a Boston Latin Academy.
- Both are referred to as Boston Latin. How should we know which one you mean?
- Route 128 is also I-95. When 128 is also I-93, your heading both North and South at the same time.
- It's the Sox, the Pats (or Patsies if they're losing), the Seltz, the Broons.
- The Harvard Bridge doesn't go to Harvard. It goes to MIT. It's measured in 'smoots', which is the length of a certain Computer Science student at MIT.
- The underground train is not a subway. It's the T, and it doesn't run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk)